Inspiration Salvation

"I ain't no good at this. No, I ain't no good at this at all. And if you are good at it, what exactly are you good at?" -Gia Carangi


Ah, god! Who am I fooling? I'm not good at life.. I only know a life of disorder and torment. I dunno how to be this being that everyone wants me to be.  I dunno how to sit here and be okay with everything dealt to me. Sure, could it be worse.. DUH! But fuck, man.. it could be better.. I just hate this empty feeling I always have and no that I've been telling everyone that I'm looking at life in a different light, now I feel like I can't ever go back to the "Dark Ages"... at least not for a while..

I've never been able to grasp it. How do you just 'move on' and not let it hurt anymore when you just began to deal with it?  How do you become okay with life as yourself when you've had no family to pick you up, when you had friends who stabbed you in the back? When you've never had a real example how to be until you were 24 years old? And then when you see everything you aspired to be and everything you believe, how do you just live life and move forward without that in your life? I guess it's not incredibly without.. but fuck.. how can you not see it?

Why is this world so fucked up that people are so blinded by sexual distractions that they couldn't see perfect love if it was standing right in fucking in front of them?  Why are people so fucking blind? Even the smartest most observant people are fucking blind.  How can you not see it? Are people 'that' fucking superficial? 'that' fucking dumb to not see this? Why am I often the only one who sees beauty in imperfections? I'm tired of seeing beauty in imperfections and then having to be perfect for everyone else.
I'm sick of it.. Tired. A kind of tired that sleep cannot fix.

I ain't no good at this life. I was obviously misplaced and that is the worst empty feeling ever. When you don't fit in with your family. You don't fit in with your friends. You don't fit in with your co-workers. You don't fit in with your school mates.   You don't fit in with your peers..

I feel so betrayed by life.. sure, yeah maybe it feels like the world is against me.. but what if it is?  What if you just don't agree with the bullshit lies that are around you? It's a crock of shit! I'm so sick of it!

Blindness.. deception.. greed.. guilt... annoying!

It's all fucking annoying! I'm so sick of it!

UGh!

And here I am just trying to be me and live my life the best way I know how.. and yet and still someone SOMEWHERE has something to say about it because they don't understand your world.. they only understand their own ...but then you're punished for it! ...

It's so fucking dumb!

-LR