MIA fest.

Oh, milk of magnesium. How I love thee. And I love expensive ass diet pills. And I love my vitamin drink.

And when I get weak and betray miss ana, I will shit my fucking brains out till my assholes is raw til I can learn to control my stupid fat hands for putting food in my grotesquely fat mouth.

The end.

Fucked

I totally fucked to again last night. I binged hard core. Today I'm flushing with water, coffee and tea. I'm gonna try to stay away from solids and diet soda. Im also taking the diuretics and diet pills and every chance I get I'm watching thinspo. I can't take this shit. I stopped taking my antidepressents because I need control in my life again. I really need this. Fuck the happiness. I want the skinny. I'm sick of fake smiling with a glob of fat on my body. It's gross. It's like what the fuck to have to be so happy about, you're fat!

Experiment

Experiment # 26

Be silent, be still,
be mindful yet real.
don't blow it; don't show it;
 skip every meal.
They'll ask and you'll lie,
be slim and be sly,
as time goes by so will those thighs,
secrets are fun like gernades and guns,
don't blow up the plan, just do it, you can!
Keep your mouth shut
and you'll lose that butt!
they'll think it's wrong,
but girl, just stay strong!

Fuck I'm fat!

I'm so tired of the fucking holidays. I feel so distracted and when I'm distracted I fuck up. I miss my followers. But I can't go back to my old blog because that allows me to go back to my old me. I need to be stronger in this round. I need to go back to liquids and never stop. 115 sounds so beautiful. But 110 sounds better. I'm 155.1 today. I don't know how I gained cuz I only are 900 call yesterday. I'm hoping its just the end of my period that's ducking everything up.

I found my diuretics. I think ill pop a few if those. I just can't stand being in the fucking 50s for so long when I was doing so well before. I need help to buckle down and get serious. Fuck food. I'm going back to chicken broth. I miss my ribs and my collar bones and I can't wait to have a better spine. Not seeing bones kills me in my fat body. I can't think of anything else that will make me feel better it accomplished.

I've been using this app called "my fitness pal" it allows you to enter the weight you want to be and it'll tell you the max cals you can eat to get there. I suggest you download it and come join me. You can even adjust you cals. Mine are at 900 right now.

In time ill be back to 500 when I shrink my stomach again. Hopefully inn 2 weeks.

-OR

You're beautiful. So beautiful. She's happy. She lives on that side.

I guess I've woken up. I can breathe again. Where are you? I'm alone. Now my hands are cold.  I'm not safe anymore.