I think I've decided to finally let him go.  I was bound by his eyes. I fell into his snake pit.  I became one of the other girls. I hope I'm not as forgettable as some.  I hope I meant more than the average notch in the bed post.  I hope I meant more...

I have to let go of the things I cannot control. I can no longer control myself against his will. I am drawn to him worse than that of the seduction of a drug.  I am lost in him. In love without words.  So many things unspoken but written and every time I see him I want to share my new found heart and admiration but I know it will make him pull away. Make him more distant because he's already gone.

He used to kiss me. All the time. He made a kissing sound in my ear and really drew towards me. The minute I opened up he withdrew.  I am torn.  More than friends yet not quite lovers.

He's taken a deep piece of me.  Forever. He's had a piece of my sister and now that the subject was finally brought to light he laughs and it's a constant reminder that he will never be mine.  He used to send her pictures. He never sent me a picture.  I am not his match. He's reminded so elegantly. He speaks with me. He is intrigued by my mind sometimes but I know that it's only temporary. 

"I've never felt so loved."
"No one has ever showed me love like that before."
"That was definitely as first."

It's only sex. A seductive dream that every girl who has ever made mistake wishes she could keep in the palm of her hand.

"Can I keep you?"

He'll be there when you fall. He'll be there to make you smile.. but not anymore.  I've caved. I'm predictable. The most insulting image has become of me in the eyes of the one I've loved most in my life.  I have never felt so torn.  I have never been so broken.  I have never felt so alone.

He was sensitive. He was sweet. Now he just fucks me.  He talks to me like one of his whores.  I'm not.
So last night I slept alone. In my own bed. I slept alone. I'll weep alone. I've wept alone. 

Like the first one, he casts out all of the light that surrounds me.  The negative light of the outsiders. Us against the world. We became one for a moment. He protected from the life that corrupts us.

If I could add all my previous lovers, he would be everyone. All the good. But with all the good, this one by far stings the most.  I have never felt so alone. So withdrawn.  I've never felt so cold.

Can you fix me? He fixed me.  It was all for show. It was all for fun. It was all so that two lonely free birds no longer felt lonely and while one wants to stay free with the other, the other wants to remain free from all.

I am no longer a special gem but a used syringe decaying in the epitome of a lost heart.