death

It's time for a drastic change.
I'm sick of feeling and being alone.
I'm tired of being walked on and taken advantage of.
I'm tired of my life.
I'm tired of everything.
I'm tired of breathing.
I'm tired of waking up.
I'm tired of love.
I'm tired of family.
I'm tired of friends.
I'm tired of the whole world.
I'm sick of or analyzing everything.
I'm tired of the unknown.
I'm tired of the known.
I'm tired of being bored.
I'm tired of loving.
I'm tired of hating.
I'm tired of indifference.
I'm tired of caring.
I'm tired of being the only one who ends up with the shit end of the stick every time life has a stick to throw into the road.
I'm tired of all things.
I'm tired of this life.
I'm ready for the next one .
No one can hear me.
No one listens.
No one is here.
No one ever will be.
My world is a silent desuetude, where the winds are dead and the crickets sleep.  There are no birds here. There is only darkness at every hour. Every chance at a light is quickly diminished and I end up in an even darker hole.  My sanity if broken. My dignity is hallowed.  My strength is tested.  My rope is tearing and my lungs are bursting.  I can't hold in any longer. There is no longer a thought of "if" but rather "when" I will jump and "how".  I have no anchor.  I have no outlet. I have no voice.  I'm am alone in a box.  Screaming. Begging.  Pathetically crying..I have no will anymore. I have no more hope.  I am alone.  As lonely as it gets.  This is why girls become lost.  This is why women become whores. This is why women become beasts of the night and tyrants by the day.  Why we become bitches and assholes with wrinkles and sticks up our asses.  Because we are not loved and because we are alone.

I will never allow my heart to be trampled on again.  I will never allow anyone in again.  I am solely an actress.  A fortress of lies because the truth cannot be loved.  I am nothing but a show.  encore......

and fuck you! Fuck all of it.  What am I working for?  a desert of used tears? To be ridiculed and mocked? to be told again that I'm not good enough?

I don't give a fuck anymore.  Why should I? I have no family! I have no friends. I barely have an audience anymore.. Why should I give a fuck? for me? If it were up to me.. I'd have offed myself years ago because I only live to please others.  I don't need to please myself... I like myself. I love myself. This life sucks .. why would I want to continue living it if I'm the one suffering?? I don't want to live anymore and therefore I shouldn't  have to. Everyone wants me to do the things I want to do... Well, I want to die.