A Stepping Stone...

I've never broken the "girl rule".  I've had it done to me numerous amounts of time... But never have I done it.. Well... I suppose there is a first time for everything.  Except I did it to my favorite and beloved sister.  I never really wanted anything more than a father [a real one] and a sister.  I finally got super close to her and I've never had a bond like this with any other family member in my whole fucking life.. and well...

I broke the girl rule.  The most fucked up thing.. is that I think my best friend told her.. But I dunno.  I think he thought that she wouldn't care.. because he didn't know how she really felt because she's always joking around... well.. I dunno.  It was weird. 

She texts the "person"... "So, when are you gonna make a move on LR?"

Of course he freaked out because he thought I broke the "pinky promise" .  Well, fuck.. I didn't.. We still hooked up once I told him I didn't freakin tell her anything... And then now.. for the last couple days... he's been completely avoiding me... Lol..


Go figure...

I'm always that girl who calls out your flaws, screams them out, shows you that I know them, and then I accept them.  In time, I make you feel good about them, and then soon enough you embrace them.  Then you gain a whole confidence in yourself while I sit here left in the dust as you take off to the next.

I've always been a stepping stone. 

I don't want to love anyone.  I don't want romance anymore.  I just want to be alone in my little home with my black surroundings, making art, being weird, and hiding.. Fuck people..

Anytime I make a connection... I am always left alone.. Well... I don't give a fuck anymore. That's what my crazy, psycho cat is for.  That's what art is for.  Besides... who really needs people?  I  mean.. temporarily, yeah... but really...

Humans are humans and they always fuck up.. So it's best to just become a hermit and stay away from the gold.  


Expect nothing and you will never be hurt.  Be around nothing and you'll never have to worry about your high expectations from people.

I'm starting to care less and less. When "The Artist" comes back for a moment we can continue our obsessions and create "art" momentarily til he goes back to his domain and keeps to himself as well; sharing images of false realities over email. 

Hopeless.

Hopeless Romantic.

Sleepless.

Sleepless Romantic.

Idealist.

-LR