The bf and I are officially over, but we still live together so we are trying to detach slowly but surely. I guess that means we are free game to anyone else but it's still okay to see other people??
Whatever the fuck that means. Anyway... I guess I've been all insecure because I made out with some guy from a club I went to recently and when I looked at him he was fucking ugly and it made me feel desperate.
No one returns my texts anymore.
I feel like a fat ASS!
It's hotter than hell in LA and I can't fucking stand a minute of it.
I love my friend [we don't consider ourselves exes because we didn't end on "bad terms"] but I know we're not meant to be.
I have no confidence in myself to even consider dating.
I'm depressed but relieved so I'm confused.
I'm still having sex with the "roommate"/"ex bf"/"friend" and it's been fucking with my head, but it's nice to have someone to come home to even though it's a facade and when he leaves to go out with a friend I just assume he's putting himself out there as well as "free game".
I guess I feel guilty cuz I am guilty cuz I'm a flirt who likes to make out with random [usually hot] people. and was totally taken by surprise while drunk at a club and now I feel disgusting.
Although, I thrive on attention from guys, I also feel like a desperate whore who needs the attention to feel beautiful, but then I get disgusted with myself with or without it.. so what the fuck?
I have no fucking money.. I have no job... I hate my life.. I couldn't move if I wanted to. I feel lost, alone, fat, insecure, and miserable in my own skin.
Everytime I put a bite of food in my mouth I want to throw up. I want to work out but no one wants to go running with me and I can't go a lone cuz I live in a shitty ass neighborhood.. I can't workout at home because I'm too insecure and we are upstairs with thin ass walls, and I have no air conditioning so I would probably die in 108 degree weather....
I've been trying to stay positive but apparently that has only been happening lately when I get drunk,
Life sucks I guess.
Til next time..
-LR
Hey, I know what you mean with difficulty working out as no one comes running (or walking) with me either and I live below people. It sucks!! I can do pilates and strength training and that's about it, low impact stuff.
ReplyDeleteIt must be hard living with your ex,I hope things work out for you. You can get through this :) Take care
Alice xx
I know that being positive is extremely hard when you're feeling this way, but forcing it is worth it in the end. If you catch yourself with negative thoughts, just stop yourself and FORCE yourself to think about something, anything, in your life that makes you happy, be it a car, a pet, a friend, or certain activities.
ReplyDeleteYou'll feel better afterward, and it'll help you in the long run.
XOXO
You should try to find a nice hobby..maybe practicing caligraphy. its odd but entertaining...im weird. anyways...hope you do better soon. xoxo
ReplyDelete