Fucked

I totally fucked to again last night. I binged hard core. Today I'm flushing with water, coffee and tea. I'm gonna try to stay away from solids and diet soda. Im also taking the diuretics and diet pills and every chance I get I'm watching thinspo. I can't take this shit. I stopped taking my antidepressents because I need control in my life again. I really need this. Fuck the happiness. I want the skinny. I'm sick of fake smiling with a glob of fat on my body. It's gross. It's like what the fuck to have to be so happy about, you're fat!