Oct. 31. 2011 - Hallow's Eve

[Happy Halloween. Stay away from candy. Make the children fat, not yourself]

Today has been a day of inspiration. I went to a Tim Burton exhibit in LA at LACMA. Tim Burton has always been a very influential artist in my life.   I felt like a kid again when I saw some of his old works. 

Lately, life hasn't been so peachy. I was in high spirits for a while because a lot of good things were happening but then two Saturdays ago, I lost it and cut for the first time in 8 months or so.  I didn't eat much of anything the last 5 days.  My costume fits better than I thought, but obviously not as good as I'd like it to. I haven't dropped any lbs but I have lost inches.

I'll just continue starving myself until the scale gives in.

I DID have a breakfast sandwich from Starbucks this morning which trhew me way over the edge and made my stomach hurt.  Good! That's what I get! I fucked up! For the rest of the day I'm not taking in anymore calories.  I can't afford it. 

Lately, I've been feeling very out of control and very lost.  I feel helpless and alone and often miserable like I want someone to rip me to shreds.  I have another blog with over 110 followers and I just don't want to go back to it. I'm scared someone will find it.  I'm scared someone will figure everything out. I miss all my followers because I feel like those people are listening to some part of what I have to say.  I'm not sure what the fuck I'm going through. 

I cut again this past Saturday.  Worse than the Saturday before.  I don't really know what I'm doing.

Spending money when I'm behind on rent and my car insurance, my phone bill is due and a lot of things are fucking me in the ass right now.  Not including school ... school is a whole new fuck session. What the fuck am I doing?

I feel like by bridge will cave in soon. 

We'll see, then, I guess, won't we?

-LR

[I love B&W thinspo.]

Oct. 28. 2011 - Backing off

For the last thress days I've been eating a biscotti and a venti caramel macchiatto every morning and having water and diet coke for the rest of the night. I was at 158 then I want down to 153 in 3 days. That's good I guess. At least I'm almost in the 140s and I can get there by Monday if I keep this up over the weekend.  I've been so depressed that I don't even want to eat. I just feel ugly and mean and bitchy and I kinda hate life right now.

I feel so lonely. 

It doesn't help knowing that I cut myself last weekend after like a 6 or 7 month streak...I really don't want to go to work today. Whatever..

Oct. 26 2011 - PMS

Since I'm pms-ing I've been 157.2 for 4 days.  I'm so annoyed. Tomorrow I'm going to drink water, have green tea for breakfast, a plum for lunch, a jar of smashed fruit for for a snack and a coffee [probably decaf] for dinner.

I need to find my diuretics. Those typically push water weight.

-LR

Oct. 21 2011 - The Beginning

My name is Lisa - at least that's the name I have here. I'm on a quest to be thin. I don't exactly care what it takes. I've been on a quest for some time, but it's not good enough. 

I'm 5'6" and 151 lbs. 

I want to be 110.  I want it now!

-LR